Men in India today face a tough challenge when it comes to relationships. Earlier the trap of false cases was limited to after marriage, however, today with the change in Rape Laws in 2013 (post Nirbhaya case), many men are being compelled to marry the woman, despite being unsure or no commitment in the relationship.
Marriage should never be forced upon any gender. However, several alliances are taking place, where men have no choice but to give in, due to misuse of laws or threats of false cases by female partners and their families.
One of our readers has shared a detailed account of his case with us.
ALSO READ –
I am going through a lot of mental torture and trauma mam. I met a girl on tinder last November and she insisted to move in with me after a couple of meetings . She told that she want a relationship with me in the first week …to which I told her that we can be friends for a month and later see how it goes.She did not like the idea of being friends and in the very first week wanted to move in with me. When I resisted the same, she rented a flat which was just 500 meters away from my society.Everyday she started coming home and stayed over with me. Whenever I used to stop her and tell her that I did not agree to this everyday meeting thing…she would cry and continuously bother me till I agreed to let her stay daily.I tried different different ways to keep her away and convey to her that I was not interested in her. There was a time I even spent a night at my office. This is when she asked my flatmate to call me on pretext that she had forgotten her apartment key, so that I could return to my place.
On one occasion, when I strictly stopped her from reaching out to me, she went into some bar and started drinking. She also asked one of her friends to convey to me that “she was in very bad condition and needed my help asap”. All these things continued for 3-4 months and I literally gave up asking her to go away.Now everytime she is used to blackmailing me with her tears or scaring me of doing something to herself. All along, I have never told her that I love her or have any feelings towards her. She herself started talking about marriage couple of times, to which I firmly clarified that I did not intend to marry her.She would again insist to continue like this as friends ’till we got married’.During COVID lockdown, we both moved to our hometown. She permitted me to go to my place, on the promise that I will return in one month. However, I did not want to return and wanted to stay with my family till the ‘Work From Home’ thing was on. After a month, she started fighting with me insisting me to come back.Its been five months that she has been constantly pressuring me to return. In the last two weeks, the situation has worsened so much that she has given me an ultimatum to marry her. Once again when I told her that I neither wanted marriage nor this relationship, she asked her mother’s friend along with some guy to threaten and blackmail me.
These guys have been continuously harassing me to talk to her by mentally torturing me. They have forced me to talk to the girl daily, else I could face severe consequences. In a way, I also felt that they were giving me death threats. They are some influential people from a district in Karnataka with their connections in other states as well.Because of their threats, I had to agree to speak with the girl daily as per agreement. However, because of all this I was so frustrated that one day, I lashed out whatever frustration was building up inside me in a long text to that girl.To this, she slit her hand and sent pictures to her influential friends and I was threatened of dire consequences now. This got me so much depressed that I too slit my hand.These people are now constantly pressurising me to marry her and I am feeling mentally harassed. I feel like doing something really bad with myself. Is there something i can do to save myself or I have or to surrender to these threats and marry her?Pls don’t mock or make fun of me on twitter, please don’t. I am already going through a lot. If you cannot help or suggest, you can just ignore.
After reading the above message from this person, MDO connected him with a Men’s Helpline number. The man spoke in detail with the NGO advisor and sent us another message, which read as follows:
Thanks a lot, this was so helpful that at least it gave me hopes. I am in touch with the concerned person now.
The man also visited local police station and this is what he had to say:
I went to SP with my application of mental torture and suicide threats but he told me that he cannot accept the application as i was in a kind of live in relationship with her and might be physical with her . So, he returned me without any help or assurances .
To all men facing similar issues, please get in touch with either of the NGOs listed at the end of our Home Page. While laws may not favour men completely, there is always a way out to fight back threats of false cases, provided you are not in the wrong.
Often, men do not have forums to discuss or speak up. Parents are the last people they would confront. We do encourage men/boys to be with their families and take them into confidence, as parents become your strongest support in these challenging times. Do not resort to negative thoughts or steps which unfortunately cannot be undone.