I do deeply regret, infact the worst & poorest decision I took in my life was to marry her & No marriage can get ever worse than this.
From the time I was a child I dreamt my life would be a fairy tale – not a divorce story. I dreamt that I’d meet an amazing girl, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after.I thought the way to move ahead in life looked like this: do well in school, get into a great college, then an amazing post graduate program, land in a killer job, get in love with a low profile simple girl. Get married to her by age 25 and show her the world and things she hasn’t seen yet, have kids by age 28, and my reward for all of this would be to live with my love happily ever after, and it all started out that way.
I met my future wife shortly after I turned 26. I met her for the first time at my cousins wedding on Sep 2014. During this period, she failed in her final semester BDS and was having a tough time with studies. I proposed to her in a week after we met and she accepted without a second thought because she felt I have a secure job and I earned quite a huge amount at that age. She used to tell me, “you are in such a great position and still you chose me, I would be indebted to you for whole my life.” I fell for every word she said and we were completely hitched. On the first day of our meeting, we exchanged kisses & cuddling’s at a park , both of us groped each other. And on the same day eve , on our way back , she said she is sexually aroused & couldn’t stop her sexual feelings. So we even stopped near a cemetery & groped each other & did kisses. I am explaining all these physical intimacy part in detail because on the later part I was thrown out of our wedlock for expressing my sexual desires. When days passed, I accepted her, loved her. We were smitten with each other and we were all in!
I come from humble beginnings, a small town god fearing middle class boy. My dad had a very low income. We didn’t have a home of our own. So we stayed at our ancestral house & neither could we afford a two wheeler of our own. Just because of my upbringing I think, I am kind of a savings person who rolls my tooth paste tube till there is no tooth paste left, but when it came to her, I never stopped spending. Just 10 days after we met, I put 22k into her account for buying a smart phone. I never bought things for myself but I used to buy bunch of things for her. From earrings to latest gadgets & a two wheeler everything she asked, I made sure she had it on her table & at the end of the day the smile on her face when I give her gifts used to gratify me.
I studied everything on a merit seat. My life style changed from middle class to upper middle class only because of the job I am in. With fast promotions as 3rd ETO, 2nd ETO and then chief ETO , by the age 26 I was already on rank Chief Electrical Engineer sailing on foreign going ships, drawing a monthly salary of Rs 3 lakhs per month.
When I used to date her, she told me that she will put all her efforts to get seat for MDS on merit based. But as our relationship became serious, she stopped her plans to put effort on studies and started to demand she wants to study MDS in management seat .Only if I would spend the fees she was ready to marry me. She said, now that she has come out of BDS, she was ready for pursuing higher studies. After having a kid, she wont feel like studying so this is the best time to study. Moreover none of her BDS mates had studied MDS, so being enrolled in MDS would be a proud moment in her social circle. She said she valued me equal to her parents. I fell for everything she said. I believed her completely. I promised her parents, I would bear all the expenses for her studies. 3 years of her MDS in Orthodontics would cost me around 40 lakhs. But I didn’t have any second thought because I believed my wife is my life.
The day finally arrived. I officially went with my family to see the bride. Elders said let the bride groom & bride talk. So I went to her room. Out of happiness she gestured come here, come here & kissed on my cheeks and I was clueless and amused with that act. I was afraid whether anyone at her home would see this act.
The whole thing was rushed. A month prior to marriage itself, I paid the initial 11 lakhs which is first year fees for her MDS. I along with her & her mom went for her MDS admission and she wanted to study the most expensive branch offered by the college, MDS in Orthodontics.
On June 2016 we got married. Ours was a two-year old relationship and since she would be only home for couple of days, on our first night I didn’t have any second thought. I immediately removed my clothes & was ready for a f***, whereas she got frightened seeing me naked. I said I want to have intercourse with you to which she said get lost. Having no options left, I had permission only to hug her & sleep that night. On the third day we went to watch a Malayalam movie named Kasaba at 11 pm. After our return to the room, I said I wanted to make out with her. She said there were too much rape scenes and violence in that movie & she couldn’t get over all that from her mind, so she asked me not to touch her. Such lame excuses continued & she never allowed me to have an intercourse, she was kind of afraid, but we had our share of kisses & hugging’s & I was happy with that.
Due to her studies which she was pursuing in a different state, post marriage we stayed together only for 5 days. She went to pursue MDS in Chennai and I was also busy with my next rank exams. Though it was a long distance relationship, our love was still on the toes with frequent calls.
On the financial part, I repaid my Rs 17 lakh loan, I built my home into a bigger one, I bought a car, scooter & more over marriage expenses & her studying expenses, all my savings drained out & I didn’t have much money with me by the 4th month of marriage. Those four months of long distance relationship still did have some relatively happier times, but less did I know that they were short lived.
Went Back To Sailing
On Sep 2016 since I was running short of money, wife pushed me to go for a sail in a sweet way. When I was disembarking from home she said, I shared the same space as her parents. I left to sail as a happy husband for 6 months thinking all the day about my family and wife. I missed her a lot and unluckily that voyage took a toll on our marriage.
While sailing I used to pray, oh god kindly don’t let me come across any injuries as I have to pay second year fees for my wife. Since I work on ships I can’t call her regularly. I can mail her on a daily basis but mailing too had restrictions onboard. As months passed she lost love on me. I don’t know how. I asked her why is she ignoring me but the reasons were vague.
I used to consider it as a honour being named after her name. I always wanted her to put our pic as whatsapp DP & on FB. I used to post our pics, but she never did. When she is with me, I always try to take selfie of both of us whereas she will give her phone & ask me to click her single pic. She was always ashamed of letting know the world that she is married, on the other side I always wanted the world to know I am married to her.
Studying for MDS wasn’t easy for her. She wasn’t a bright student. But she was good in practical aspect of it (making models of tooth, etc). The expenses for studying MDS in a management seat was too high. Per month 26k was her expense plus hostel fee, books fee, instrument fee, conference fee, thesis fee. Whatever I was earning it all drained from the other side through her. Once she said she needs a DSLR camera with two different lenses & it costed Rs 1.2 lakh. We picked a fight on this & finally I had to surrender in front of her stubborn nature & had to put amount to her account to buy the camera.
Return to India
After 6 months of sailing, I informed her about my arrival to India, she stated she was frightened to hear of my arrival. Being a newly wedded husband of course my expectation about my wife would be high. When our expectations are not met , we generally feel unfulfilled even if everything else in our lives is going well. I realised I was in deep love with her and I thought its only from my end and she doesn’t feel the same about me.
A week later she arrived at my native place. I went to pick her up. While driving I touched her hand & she shook it off as if I have touched some one else wife. She had totally changed. While sitting on a couch we had a foot of space between us. She had already disconnected emotionally. She started running a silent war. I asked her why do you sit alone to which she replied, I am like this, I like to sit this way.
That night I went to sleep next to my wife, I kept my arm on her belly & cuddled her, in anger she beat me up thrice. I felt bad & I walked away. I slept on the terrace hoping she would come to wake me up. But she didn’t, as she slept off peacefully.
She Was Having An Affair
I took her phone & switched on internet. Saw many emotional messages from her classmate saying he missed her so much. But I didn’t doubt him much because he was also already married. All my expectations of a newly wedded husband were tarnished.
Like any husband, doubts started rising in my mind. I felt my wife was cheating on me because she never blocked any of her ex boyfriends. So I felt she was in a relationship with one of them and that might have lead to her loss of love upon me.
I went to her parents and told them that I thought their daughter was in an extra marital relationship. Listening to this, her dad called up & shouted at her. In regret she cut her vein, luckily it wasn’t a deep cut.
Further College Fees
In the month of June 2017 she rang me and asked to bring her mom along with me & pay her second year college fees of Rs 11 lakh. I went with her mom to Chennai & the day I reached there, I paid entire amount in the morning. In the evening when me & wife were alone in the room I grabbed my wife to which she shouted calling me a son of bitch. I left the room helplessly breaking into tears.
That night she made her mom sleep in the middle of us. This continued for all 4 days. On the 4th day at Chennai her mom felt bad of sleeping in the middle, so when wife was asleep her mom woke up & went to sleep on the couch giving freedom to us as a couple.
Unluckily I woke up at around 5 am in the morning & when I saw my wife sleeping next to me, my conscience felt this is the only day I can touch my wife. So I hugged her and started to feel her to which she woke up & shouted calling me a pervert & rapist in front of her mom. She went on abusing me & I no longer could take all that to myself, I lost my cool and I ended up slapping her that day. That was it.
Married For 12-Months Without Physical Relationship
Within a matter of weeks, she started telling me that she did not wish to be with me because she fell out of love and wanted a different life. Our marriage life ended there and she blocked me & stopped all source of communication. By that time she has already extorted Rs 27 lakhs from me.
To restore my marriage, I prayed & visited temples I had gone to in my life. Met many astrologers. One of my friend said try kaala jaadu (black magic) as it had worked with his relative. As days passed I was turning mentally unstable. Life was filled with her memories.
I didn’t think much, so I drove for around 14 hours to Tamil Nadu (a place called Kulasekarapatnam) and did black magic. The saint asked me to pay him Rs 20,000 so that my wife would come back in a month. I paid him, however nothing changed. Now looking back I feel so foolish of doing all those things then.
She Was Indeed Cheating On Me
One day my wife’s brother hacked her gmail & recovered some intimate messages exchanged between her and her married classmate. Her brother asked me to message the other girl (classmate’s wife) & let know her about all the menace going around.
I messaged her stating “her husband has been sending filthy messages to my wife, you better control him“. I was devastated by her reply. She said “Oh, I have known about this since a long time, many times I thought of messaging you on FB, but I didn’t want to spoil her Iife so I restrained”.
She said her husband & my wife were in a relationship & just because of my wife their marriage was ruined. She told me that she did all the house hold activities, while her husband only blushed at her sitting on the corner of the room all day keeping his mobile charged & chatting with my wife.
The lady also told me that one night she woke up at 1 am & when she peeped into her husband’s chats he was chatting with my wife. Hearing all these, I felt bad. All this while I was being cheated by my ungrateful wife.
I immediately brought this to her parents’ attention. But her mom denied everything saying it was just my illusion and nothing else. She justified that her daughter was only asking doubts to her classmate at midnight & I was doubting her unnecessarily.
Later when wife came to know that I spoke to her classmate’s wife, she started hating me much more.
I was still holding on and did not want to break our marriage and relationship that lasted for so long. I forgave her and kept mum & tried to cope up with her for another 2 years. I kept waiting that things would change in our favour someday. And yes they did……’From I do to Divorce Day in Court’.
On June 2019 her parents called me up & said that it would be better if we just divorced each other as there was no change of heart from my wife’s end. I requested them if we could take her for family counselling & anger management classes. I went for counselling alone as I was depressed.
She was very adamant and listened to no one. Neither her parents nor I could control her. She would never accept her flaws. I told her parents I paid Rs 27 lakhs for her. She never lived with me as a wife. I never got even a cup of tea prepared by her. So you either give me my wife or my money back.
They said that they couldn’t repay me that much amount, however, they agreed to return my Rs 21.5 lakh that I had spent on my wife. I accepted the same and made an agreement of the said amount & later informed her father that the agreement was ready.
However, when her father spoke to an advocate, he brain washed him that a wife is never obligated to pay any such amount to her husband at the time of divorce.
After the meeting with lawyer, her father asked me to visit their home the next day and told me he could not discuss much over the phone at that time. When I visited them the subsequent day, they bluntly refused to pay me a penny.
I then asked for the marriage to continue, however, my father-in-law blocked my way and started abusing me. This freaked me out & I too lost my cool. Me and her dad fell down while fighting, and in the meantime her mom started beating me with sticks.
Me, her dad & her mom all sustained severe injuries on our head. While all this was happening, my wife shot the entire incident on her phone and threatened to teach me a good lesson.
Later her father filed a criminal case against me for entering their home & assaulting them. The same followed with a domestic violence case filed by my wife demanding a compensation of Rs 25 lakhs one time and month maintenance of Rs 25,000 for the rest of her life.
The only case I could file against them was to restitution of conjugal rights. The case is still on & may be it takes another couple of years to resolve.
Judiciary & Gender Biased Laws
Our judicial system is highly skewed in favour of women & my wife left no stone unturned in misusing them leaving me devoid of my job, social status & hard earned money. Without checking any evidences, police would come looking for you. When she filed case, police came to my home looking for me. When they listened to my story they all were touched by it.
My dad who is a retired school teacher panicked seeing the police at home. He was tensed about me & had no idea where this case would lead me to. That night because of tension, he fell unconscious & he broke his collar bone. Till date he is struggling to lift his hand.
Recently, my wife filed for divorce. The reason stated by her was that I was sexually impotent and that was the only reason for divorce. Her petition stated that she used to console me that this can be treated & in anger I used to hit her every now & then.
Now I suppose, I have many points to prove forward in court because every case that they have filed, do not corroborate.
My Message To Other Men In Similar Situtation
I did have a good life before until marriage. I was on a roller coaster that goes only up. But this girl screwed my happiness. She came out of nowhere into my life only to tear me into pieces & left me with nothing.
Now when I look back, could I have done better to make the marriage work? If I could reverse time, I probably would. My best advice to anyone considering divorce is to think real hard about it. The grass does seem greener on the other side, and most of the time it has weeds & bugs that you will discover after its too late.
Trust me, only your wife can tear apart her husband and his family….No one else can.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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